The Test

We go through tests each and every day of our lives.  Whether hard or easy, life teaches us. When things get really hard or stressful, don't wonder or feel you are all alone. He's unseen but speaks loudly! Listen and look for the signs!

When you are going through

something hard and wonder where is

God, 
...remember the teacher is

always quiet during a test.

Wake-up Call

Do you sometimes wonder why things are happening to you and you don't have any answers? But then after everything happens you look back and say, “But God.” I did not realize that storms that I’ve been going through were going to allow me to help someone else.

Without any notification, I found myself having car issues that I was NOT ready for.  After a recent accident, which I won’t elaborate on ‘whose fault it was, I found myself becoming complacent. You know when things are going great for you and you settle your mind, your spirit—just get comfortable in your own little world.  Well, my little piece of ‘Heaven on earth’ got infiltrated by a few disruptions.

A warning light had been coming on in my vehicle. I initially ignored it, but it became progressively worse and began to interfere with different functions such as the speed dropping as I drove.  After trying to brainstorm it with my ‘mechanically inclined’ son, we were able to reset it. To say the least, that did not FIX the problem and I had to do what I dreaded doing… take it to be serviced. You know how we are always trying to get around the obvious; not wanting to disrupt ‘routine.’

So I finally had it towed in and found myself having to Uber to get around. Well, poor, poor li

l ole me, right? Through all of this, I had to get off of my ‘high horse’ or ‘majestic throne,’ and deal with others… My world was NOT my own, because I needed to be patient and depend on someone else for something as simple- to me, at least to me, like a ride to a grocery store...

To say the least, for the past few days I have been an ear for people who have been going through some issues. From a semi-homeless family to a father who JUST found he had a daughter, after 33 years, who had been put up for adoption. And I must also add the young gentleman whose wife had kidney failure and doctors pronounced her dead after she blacked out. His fervent prayer and pushing the medical team to revive her was miraculous. After revival, they said she would not function because her brain was without oxygen too long… she is now out of the coma but during that time he found she had been cheating for a year and a half.

When I look at their situation I think to myself I am not going through anything in comparison. I thank God for where I am now because I don't know if I would have the strength to endure what they are having to endure. And guess what they just needed a listening ear. But, their issues and problems have given me an eye-opening experience. This is not about me or them this is about God working in all of our lives. The Uber drivers, the wrecker towing person, they all had horrific stories. And mine may not have been what theirs was, but God was allowing me to see that what I'm going through somebody else is going through much, much worse.

MY question. To whom do we trust? When was the last time you had a wake-up call?

Peripheral

I saw this today…

A man on a corner

The man had a sign

The sign said, ‘Need Help,

Please Help!’

Tattered clothing

Raggedy boots; no strings

A dirty cup

Unkempt hair

A slothful walk

A seemingly dampened spirit

Broken

Many passers-by

Stares

Yet, he couldn’t reach some folks

A dismal outlook…

And as I slowly drove, I eventually got a closer look.  But it seems the closer I came, like those who were ahead of me, I didn’t want to have any eye contact with him. You see, probably like my ‘forerunners’, I felt that if I would look at him in his eyes, I would feel obligated to respond in some form or fashion. His appearance was a directive of the mindset society has attached to individuals on street corners. There are preconceived notions that they are all cons, thieves, druggies, and any other belittling label that can be an assessment of their character.

So for a minute, I stared straight ahead. My characterization was stoic; immobile. I continued to drive, but as I began to pass him by, from the ‘corner of my eye’, I saw his eyes.  I then turned and looked at him. Our eyes met.  I saw something deeper than his outer appearance.  Without realizing my actions, I pulled all of the change from my ashtray and a few dollars, from my purse.  I rolled my window down, as he turned and limped towards my car.  I dropped the money into his cup. He said “thank you ma-am.”

And then I saw…

A gracious nod

A toothless grin

Stark-white, bright eyes

A rigid, tall frame

A resilient stride

A glimmer of hope

My question to you all is what would you have done? How would you have reacted? Would you have followed suit and drove past him, as so many others had done? Would you have stopped and questioned him? Maybe you have already encountered someone like him. What did you do?

As for me, the very moment our eyes met, I knew it was not my place to judge him. My spirit would not allow me to pass him by with no thought of the fact that he really could be homeless, someone’s father, brother or uncle. Better still – I saw a child of God.

In its simplicity, “I thank God for Peripheral Vision!”

Distinction

Comparisons-

In life, there comes a time when an individual has to just STAND out and stand alone! Life has given man so many 'lemons' and not everyone knows how or has the strength to 'Make Lemonade,' as the common adage goes.
Instead, there are comparisons made, like Apples to Oranges. We are a comparative generation! But when I think about it, we have been compared throughout our lives from birth... "Oh, she is sooo cute," to "Ummm, isn't he a little short for his age...?"  Judgment and comparison go on throughout adulthood. What about the distinction.

Why can't people just let well enough alone and let one just 'BE'? Well, my answer to that is, man has not been able, from the beginning of time, to naturally be proactive. As humans, we need an extra push, motivation, fuel injection, because a lot of us are not self-starters. We are basically on automatic pilot, so we need a  GPS from time to time. That's what comparisons, like apples to oranges is all about, so it is not ALL bad.

"Think about it." Pick one and see. Look for the difference or likeness; firm or soft, tart or sweet, small or large, green, red, yellow or golden... not measured by seed but weight and texture, indeed... Apples to oranges, comparatively; Apples and oranges' diversities. Apples and oranges are distinctively different.

No matter how much someone is told they are like someone else, they must choose to embrace individuality comfortably. What the 'apple to oranges' - comparison of two people or things that are irreconcilably or fundamentally different does for one is make Him/Her STAND out... No bad apples. Just distinctive, even if they carry the same name.

Be Blessed,

PJ Payne

In Deeds

Have you ever wondered how it would feel to have someone do something for you ‘out of the blue...' just for no reason? No strings attached? Well, I have.

In today’s society, with all of the wrongdoers, making the headlines and outshining the ‘do righters,' it stands to reason why morale is so low and negativity prevails and is up in most cases.

And then out of nowhere comes a ray of hope that all is not as bad as it seems...

A few days ago, I was in a McDonald’s line seeking my ‘afternoon fix’ of coffee. When I don’t have my own ‘Coffee Fix” available, Mickey D is my go-to alternative. So there I was in this looong line and I would guess, this was rush hour, as a high school across the way, was just dismissing students. I had a long frustrating day, so my attitude displayed such. I thought I could get ahead of the barrage of thirst-quenching seekers, but no such luck.

It wasn’t a very cold day but to a coffee lover, does that matter?  So I crept along, contemplating getting out of the line. Only because of the two lanes, of course, I chose the slowest lane. And then I knew when I would finally place my order, I’d be the only coffee request at 3:30 pm.  So I pulled up to the kiosk and placed my order, requesting ALL of the bells and whistles of condiments I HAD to have, ‘inside’ my coffee.  And on top of that, I made sure they knew I wanted it FRESHLY brewed.  I thought to myself, the clerk would probably give me an irritated ‘worse customer I ever had look,’ when I got to the window to pay.  That expectant attitude, showed on my face as I drove up to pay. I was about to hand him my cash and he said, “It’s already paid for Ma’am.” Imagine the shock as well as total embarrassment on my face.  All I could respond with was WOW!

I can never adequately explain the emotional impact the gesture of unselfishness generosity from my anonymous ‘drive-thru’ buddy, did for me. I believe my whole demeanor changed.  My drive home was with a smile on my face. The bumper-to-bumper traffic had no bearing on me.  I had peace with my perfect brew. Thank you, God, for sending me what I needed, when I needed it. Revelations.  

I was in such disbelief of the generosity of that individual, I didn’t think to do the same- at the time.  The next afternoon, my ‘Pay It Forward’ felt liberating.

Blessings,

PJ Payne

Rise Up!!

If you have followed my blog, then you realize that I'm an early riser.  I'm like that nosey kid at Christmas who wants to get a sneak peek at the gifts before his siblings get up! I'm like that about my mornings! I want that sneak peek. Consider me selfish, but I need my mornings ALL to myself! AND not without the boost of my fresh brew and the Word! I want to see the day breaking through my window; the sun coming up, just over the horizon; hear the hustle, bustle and the stir of life all around me; horns and whistles blowing from afar... and then I physically rise up, from my 'Me' time and start my daily do's.

This morning is no different, but as I physically arose from my coffee corner, I felt a bit sluggish and melancholy. Very tearful.  When I feel like this, 'I' try to figure out the reason why I'm having what I have dubbed 'emotional -  overcasts'. I don't want God to take these feelings away from me, just give clarity and show me how to endure.
I am very hard on myself sometimes. I feel there is a reason behind everything we experience. You see, as a whole, I'm a happy person.  I am pretty healthy for my 'numbers,' lol. I am not in financial straits, Praise God! My children are doing well. So what has me feeling this way? As a pattern, this familiar emotional overload shows itself at pivotal times of the year. I checked out today's date. February 7th. I realized it is one of my favorite niece's birthday! I MUST send her a Happy Birthday video or call. Sooo, what has me feeling so down? Think PJ, think!!
"Light Bulb!"
You see, having been married for many years, my late husband and I LOVED and cherished certain holidays. Valentine's Day was at the top of the list, right beside Christmas. I now realize that Valentine's day is right around the corner. Although conscientious is that most holidays are overrated and just money-making ploys. But when that time of the year comes around and you have had life-changing experiences, that void in your life is excruciating. You can never really duplicate it, no matter what! Memories are very hard to ignore. They become innately embedded. Bottom line is 'I AM HUMAN,' so what I'm going through is not at all foreign to many who have loved and lost in any capacity, whether a breakup, divorce, or death. Although many years have passed, time does not stop the heart from skipping a beat at the very thought of US.
My take on this is "To love and have loved someone with your heart and soul is immeasurable! But today, I must continue to move forward. So on this, and each beautiful morning God graces me with, "I Still Rise Up!"

Blessings,
PJ Payne

Baffled?

We are more than halfway through the first month of this New Year and I realize as, in the past, time stands still for no one.  I revert back to a cliché I’ve heard most of my life, ‘Off with the old and on with the new.’ That should mean prioritize, right? New order; new beginnings.

Sooo, this means putting old things aside and starting fresh. Well, some people just don’t take heed easily. “Guilty!” I am beginning this year with the same BANG theory I have in the past, no matter what I vow NOT to do, or whatever my New Year’s resolution may be… (by the way,I have abolished over the past few years) I can’t follow through. That reminds me of that other old saying “Beginning is easy, continuing, hard.’

So here I am again, New Year old ways. A plate full with just so many hours in a day and these...

‘Feelings’

Ummm…

What is this?

What has me baffled?

What‘s in my head?

What is it there for?

I am living a life

Full of haste

So I thrive on

Keeping up the pace

Seem there’s so much

I can do

Seems there’s no way

To get through

I keep on searching

For the time

And keep on looking

For a sign

For what can and

What can’t be done

When one job’s finish

Another has begun

I seek with grace

Seek sublimity

Without a trace

Of obscenity

I can’t be still

I just can’t rest

Always searching

Trying to better my best

Seeking and striving

Tread roads intrepidly

Look to completion

But can’t let go indefinitely

Gotta keep moving

Keeping up the pace

Always a step ahead

No time to waste

Fulfilling wishes

Fulfilling needs

Feel it my duty

To intercede

When there’s always

A 'work' to be done

When I strive for success

My battle is won

There’s always another

Feat to be achieved

Never to finish

Always to cleave

Not endeavoring to

Defy or defeat

But encouraging me on

Cause I’m feeling

Incomplete

~PJ Payne