Thursday, September 20, 2018


Ever been so afraid that you just had to let the circumstances surrounding a situation, work itself out? I’ve learned that is called ‘Letting go and letting God.’
Several years ago my daughter was going through some medical issues. As moms, we instinctively want to take care of our children, no matter how young or old. Being a young adult, of course, she didn’t want Mama hovering over her. BUT me, knowing my daughter, knew the real deal. Her voice said she wanted her Mama! So after I got the ‘I’m sick’ call and the ‘unsure’ reassuring phrase, “but, I’m ok,” I decided to pay her a visit and told her so. She hesitantly agreed.
I packed up all of my ‘mommy remedies’ and started the tedious journey to her place. On a good day, the commute was about 40 minutes.  That day was NOT one of those days. Midday traffic was horrific and it didn’t help that I was already anxious, knowing she was sick.
After about an hour’s commute, I made it and began my irksome tread up 3, yes I said T.H.R.E.E flights of stairs. “Why daughter, why do you live on the third floor?”  Panting and feeling ‘I’ needed to call 911, I walked to her door and literally leaned on it as I knocked. I waited a couple of minutes and knocked again. No answer. Okay, so I am telling myself not to get excited, so and I knocked harder. After this third time, I decided to call. No answer. Maybe she fell asleep. I then proceeded to walk to what I thought to be the closest wall to her bedroom. I knocked really loud a couple of times. By now, I am also trying not to disturb the neighbors and bring any attention to what was going on, but I am beginning to panic. She didn’t sound completely coherent during our last conversation. What was wrong?
I ran downstairs to see if I had or could see any office contact info where she lived. Meanwhile, I had already called her brother who lived near but wasn’t home. Great! I found an office number, but it went straight to voicemail. Now what? I raced back upstairs and felt no pain in my sprint. My heart was beating out of my chest, not from the run, but because I was so scared. Approximately 40 minutes had passed since I first arrived. What happened? What if she was unconscious, fell, couldn’t move, comatose… Nooo, I needed answers. With knuckles hurting, I bammed on her door, not caring who, what, or where. Nothing!
“Oh, God, let my child be alright,” I fervently prayed. Teary-eyed and with trembling hands, I pulled out my phone to dial 911. As frantic as I was, this was my last resort.
Then I heard the latch on her door as it slowly opened. She stood there, looking totally bewildered and weak. I walked in with questions on my face.  She asked, ”What’s the matter?”  After I told her about the goings-on of the past hour, she explained that she had taken the meds she was prescribed, fell asleep, and the rest was blank…
I could only hug her in relief, and thank God. 

After getting her settled in, this was my write...

Fear- knowing something is wrong
Fear- a void; The unknown
Fear- the ultimate sense of being alone
Fear- the unexpected, you can’t prolong

Fear tears away at the strongest of us all
Fear saturates the mind; you make wrong calls
Anxious to know about the notion
Anxious to see positivity in motion
But God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear
Anticipated results are why we adhere

Stop negations
Stop that train of thought
Have positive expectations
You shouldn’t and you ought
Not think of things
That kill the spirit
Because God is on it
Listen carefully- hear Him

There’s nothing to fear
But fear, itself
Mind over matter
Just the mind 
…Nothing else

Trust Him,
PJ Payne

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Coffee Thoughts

Have you ever just sat back and thought deeply about how everything around you is really so miraculously made? “That is what my ‘coffee thought’ is about today”. It doesn’t matter how much it rains, hails, sleets or snows, God forbids, His works are meticulously done.
It is reminiscent of how I grew up in a little country town where everyone knew everyone, truly giving homage to the common adage, ‘It takes a village…,’ which brings me to this.
As a child when my siblings, cousins and I would visit our grandparents, we didn’t really understand that we were there, supposedly to help them on their farm. Half of us didn’t know what we were doing anyway and considered it a fun vacation. I remember getting up bright and early in the morning, before the sun came up, grabbing a pail with chicken feed in it and taking it to the chicken coop to feed the chickens-  the same chickens I’d chased the day before! But they laid the eggs I would eat later that morning for breakfast. The boys would ‘slop the pigs’ as they called it. But those pigs yielded the pork roast we would have for Sunday dinner. Or my grandfather would send my brother out, sometimes on wintry nights, to chop some wood to put in that old wood-burning stove. That firewood is what kept us warm when we would get up on those icy cold mornings.
But my fondest memory is those carefree afternoons when some of us, usually the girls, would wander off into the field to play. My favorite game was to see who could find the first four-leaf clover. As I look back, I don’t think it really mattered who won, but my visual is lying in the grass, usually with wild flowers we had picked; naming the shapes of the clouds. I recall laughter and staring at the wondrous beauty God had created, from the towering trees to the birds and bees…
In the beginning, He did it all! And now on my mornings, I remember. 
I love my mornings
I love my days
And take into consideration
All the ways
That God has blessed me
To see another
Of His great works
One way or the other
For this could not be
Possible without Him
He did it all for me
On a wink and a whim
I’m taking it all in
Absorbing its beauty
Relishing in Him
What He does, without duty
And He didn’t have to do this
For you or me
Dirty rags are we
At His feet

I thank Him and praise
His glorious works
For mine eyes to behold
As each morning lurks 
Again and again
It never fails
Same time, descends
His Magnificence unveils

PJ Payne