Thursday, February 7, 2019

Rise Up!!

If you have followed my blog, then you realize that I'm an early riser.  I'm like that nosey kid at Christmas who wants to get a sneak peek at the gifts before his siblings get up! I'm like that about my mornings! I want that sneak peek. Consider me selfish, but I need my mornings ALL to myself! AND not without the boost of my fresh brew and the Word! I want to see the day breaking through my window; the sun coming up, just over the horizon; hear the hustle, bustle and the stir of life all around me; horns and whistles blowing from afar... and then I physically rise up, from my 'Me' time and start my daily do's.
This morning is no different, but as I physically arose from my coffee corner, I felt a bit sluggish and melancholy. Very tearful.  When I feel like this, 'I' try to figure out the reason why I'm having what I have dubbed 'emotional overcasts'. I don't want God to take these feelings away from me, just give clarity and show me how to endure.
I am very hard on myself sometimes. I feel there is a reason behind everything we experience. You see, as a whole, I'm a happy person.  I am pretty healthy for my 'numbers,' lol. I am not in financial straits, Praise God! My children are doing well. So what has me feeling this way? As a pattern, this familiar emotional overload shows itself at pivotal times of the year. I checked out today's date. February 7th. I realized it is one of my favorite niece's birthday! I MUST send her a Happy Birthday video or call. Sooo, what has me feeling so down? Think PJ, think!!
"Light Bulb!"
You see, having been married for many years, my late husband and I LOVED and cherished certain holidays. Valentine's Day was at the top of the list, right beside Christmas. I now realize that Valentine's day is right around the corner. Although conscientious is that most holidays are overrated and just money-making ploys. But when that time of the year comes around and you have had life-changing experiences, that void in your life is excruciating. You can never really duplicate it, no matter what! Memories are very hard to ignore. They become innately embedded. Bottom line is 'I AM HUMAN,' so what I'm going through is not at all foreign to many who have loved and lost in any capacity, whether a breakup, divorce, or death. Although many years have passed, time does not stop the heart from skipping a beat at the very thought of US.
My take on this is "To love and have loved someone with your heart and soul is immeasurable! But today, I must continue to move forward. So on this, and each beautiful morning God graces me with, "I Still Rise Up!"

PJ Payne