Thursday, April 27, 2017

Last Tear

Do you think one can ever 'cry their last tear'? We hear phrases like 'I've cried my last tear over you,' or 'I'm not going to shed another tear over that'! Well, guess what?  The very next time the situation arises, BOOM, there goes the water-works!
We (women and men) are emotional beings. No matter how we try, some emotions are out of our control. One is the tear
Realize this: Shedding tears is a huge and healthy emotional release especially if you experience sadness, deep pain, or stress. Although there are the so-called "strong" individuals, who think they can control the tear, but can they really?
The urgency to release can be an overpowering feeling, thus taking a toll on the natural expression of emotional release. You must realize that crying is natural. It is a way to release pent-up feelings. If it’s not expressed, usually relief generates in other forms; e.g. anger, extensive exercise, verbal abuse... and the list goes on. Yes, you’ll try to suck up emotions and absorb the hurt and pain. You may even ignore what’s really going on, but don't suppress it, even if you have to 'go to your' quiet place. Let it go… 

And then there it is 
And then they began 
Those unwanted leaks
That can't be dried by hands
You thought it was all over
And you had found you joy
Then all of a sudden you realize
Your emotions have been toyed 
You figured you had cried your last tear
There was none left, no reason to cry
And at a vulnerable moment
You couldn't hold back 
as much as you'd tried

It seems some things get the best of you
No matter how tough your skin
You portray being stoic, unmovable
But the unforeseen breaks through again
It's unannounced, unwanted
Sneaky and riveting
Untrusting, relentless
Piercing, annoying

...and NOT the 'last tear'

PJ Payne

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Order Our Steps

An education, job, marriage, and children should idealistically happen in that order, right? Preconceived ideas of how certain things should happen in life, stir in each of our heads. We have our own ideas where things should fall into place or stay, Well, what happens when they are out of order, disheveled, and don't happen as we think they should? We become disappointed, disillusioned, discombobulated... the feeling is that of failure; nothing is going right, so you're destined for condemnation and disaster? All of this may sound over the top, but some of us are very passionate about order, structure and sequence in our lives.
"I'm a living witness to all of this!" It was evident to me, when I became an adult and had a family. To my dismay, things were initially out of order! I had what we now call a 'blended family'. Basically mine, yours, and ours... a beautiful mixture and combination. In our home the motto was 'A place for everything and everything in its place', and believe me I took that to another level. My youngest son recently reminded me of this very thing. I felt that having seven people in a household at any given time MUST have order and organization. And not just at that time, I even had each kid's future planned. Whew!! But guess what - my life was in shambles and unbeknownst to me, I made us all miserable!
You see, I've learned that a lot of what we become and do in life stems from how we were raised. At an early age, I was labeled as 'the one who can', the one who would make a difference. Therefore, I felt that I needed to live up to what was expected of me.  I thought in every aspect of my life, I needed perfection; I had something to prove... but to whom?
My peers? My family? My friends? Myself?
No! I had nothing to prove, or please anybody but my God! He wants us to put Him first and acknowledge Him in all our doings. He wants us to seek Him first (Matthew 6: 33). When I truly internalized His order of my steps, I was as peace with me.

I've also learned that it is great to set personal goals and ambitions. What enhances it all is when you have encouragement from family, friends and mentors who truly have your well-being at heart.
As I look back over my young adult life, I should have adopted the motto, 'A place for Him and all else would be in order'. "He is not finished with me yet."

PJ Payne