Unforeseen Hope

Have you ever had someone in your life that you probably didn’t appreciate at the time? Then you come to realize that it wasn’t so bad after all? I’m sure this has happened to us all at some point and time; be it male or female. See, we learn through ups and downs, trials and tribulations that we were going through, things were not just about you, it was about them too. I definitely had that happen to me and had to figure it out. 

Making this story short, I had a girlfriend in my life for many years.  We had so much in common. We both had wonderful marriages (or so we thought); both had three kids; both were Christians and members of a church community… so everything should have been fine, right? Well, it wasn’t. We were always talking, doing things together, trips with family, singing events etc. As our kids grew up and life happened, her marriage fell apart.  I tried to be there for her but felt as though we didn’t mesh anymore. She stated there was a strain, as she was all of a sudden single and I wasn’t.  It was quite hard for me to accept, and I bucked against it, stating nothing had changed about my adoration for her as a friend. I soon felt as though she threw quite a few insinuations towards me, so I resolved to fold and back away from the friendship.

As a few years, there were other devastating situations we endured… but what I remembered the most was that I felt abandoned. What I didn’t see at the time was how abandoned she must have felt, going through a divorce, feeling unwanted, unloved which may have in a way caused her to harbor ill feelings of jealousy or resentment.

As I stated, there is more to this story, but this was the beginning of understanding that we tend to take too many things personal.  Sometimes things are not what they seem... There's always hope.

Unforeseen

I used to gripe about

My very best friend

And didn’t realize

My distinction she depended

Thought she was a mimic

Thought she was a mime

Didn’t put it together, then

What she needed was my time

I was that distinguishing part

Representative of her deficiency

Later I found, I gave hope

Imparting proficiency

She wouldn’t let on

How important to her I was

And wouldn’t give me the benefit

Of bestowing unequivocal love

I began to doubt our friendship

Had qualms about the treatment

I was receiving all but kinship

My importance, I wasn’t believing

So… I became defensive

I began to question commitment

Was what we had all these years

Fake… only a figment?

Finding later, a deeper sense

As we went through some things

Some folks just can’t accept flaws

No matter the pain it brings

See, she was one side of me

And I am who she admired

Didn’t really see the big picture then

Time apart was what was required

Stepping aside

Taking inventory

And in all things, ups or downs

Giving God the Glory

Blessings,

PJ Payne